It is the end of a long day. You have been working at a job you don’t like much but can’t leave because everything is dangerously expensive. You have trudged to the train station through the dark, through some puddles. At work in your breaks you checked the news and it was a catalogue of things too terrible to fathom. When you make it to the station you are cold and have to wait a while for the train. When it does arrive it’s too busy to sit down. After the train you get a bus and look out the window at the rain. When at last you get a seat you pull out My Ex-Girlfriend’s Wedding by Sophie Crawford and suddenly you feel better!
I’m joking!
But also I’m not…
I believe unshakeably in the importance of rom coms. I think right now, when hope is in short supply, they have never been more critical. Why? Because they centre human relationships and comedy. Two things that make our life worthwhile and bearable.
Patriarchal perspectives on literature have long relegated romcom’s to a sentimental sub-genre, fiction-lite, work written for beach holidays and for tired women. I’ll tell you something – I am that tired woman and reading work focussed on human relationships, an area where I can actually have some sway, always feels valuable. Placing emotional relationships front and centre suggests that they are worthy of scrutiny and celebration. And they are! They make up the fabric of our society. They can make our life dangerous or safe, they can make things dreadful or hopeful. The relationships in our lives inform every part of us. Of course they’re worth focussing on! It is no small thing to have successful relationships. It takes time and sensitivity, humility, forgiveness, sacrifice and huge amounts of time. Relationships, up until very recently, were considered the realm of women, something that they sorted out while the real work of the world was carried out by others, usually men. But what if relationships are the real work of the world? What if creating strong networks of care, prioritising love over money, work and status makes all those other things possible? Romcoms share a radical message of emotional care above all.
So what does it do to that message if you make it queer? It makes it even more radical!
We need work that celebrates queer relationships, shows that love and success within them is possible and challenges the endless stories we have been fed of queer tragedy. Our bookshelves are not crammed with happy queer people. Queer fiction has been dominated by narratives that end badly. The books I came out with were The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall and Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. There are no spoilers here, these books are sad. When I was hunting for stories I ploughed through The Mammoth Book of Lesbian Short Stories edited by Emma Donoghue. Of the many, many stories in that anthology there was only one I remember being in any way upbeat. When I decided to start writing, it felt important to write the book that I couldn’t find when I had been scouring the shelves: A lesbian rom com where relationships were key and there was a happy ending. I named the main character Hope precisely so I could feel bolstered on every page. I was hugely influenced by Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin. Maupin’s books are the ultimate example of how rollicking stories can hold power. His characters defy tragedy, they push through no matter what, they are resilient and they make us laugh. I went to see Armistead Maupin speak and a man in the audience stood up and told him that his books had saved his life. Funny, hopeful books can do that.
So I know life is hard and everyone is doing extremely well navigating it all, but if you try reading a romcom things might get better.
My Ex-Girlfriend’s Wedding is now available in paperback and eBook.